“Some of us think that holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” ~Hermann Hesse
She knew it sooner than I did. And more intensely than I did.
I, on the other hand, may have considered our differences but never thought of them as deal-breakers. I tried to justify the many struggles we had between us and believed that our marriage could work despite the challenges.
I had this feeling things would get better and stayed hopeful no matter how bad our relationship got.
I told myself that her extraverted personality and my more introversion could work together. And that her more social and outgoing nature and my more private and homebound inclinations were just minor differences.
I believed it was both of us trying to settle into our professional careers that led to our conflicts. Or maybe, it was moving away from California so she could complete her professional training that put pressure on our relationship. Or it was because we didn’t have a support system that we weren’t getting along.
In retrospect, if I’m being completely objective, I can see there were problems.
There were fights and disagreements that would have landed us on a reality TV show.
There were days of not talking and threats of leaving regularly.
There were instances where we ignored each other’s feelings and preferences in our life goals. There was a lack of understanding and compassion for each other.
Yet, we stayed together for years, and even after our separation, I still didn’t want this relationship to end.
Even after our divorce, I was hopeful.
Was this the optimist in me?
Was I being delusional?
Are you too wondering why you’re stuck in a relationship that isn’t working and bad for your spirit?
You may feel the dysfunction on a daily basis and feel frustrated with the constant fights and disagreements.
Are you wondering why you’re having trouble letting go when the person you’re with isn’t the right person for you? Are you wondering why you’re stuck in dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship? And even worse, not doing anything about it?
Here are top seven reasons we stay in bad relationships.
1. We have grown accustomed to people who treat us badly.
Those of us who grew up in abusive or hurtful households feel used to complicated love.
We begin to believe that people who hurt us are the ones who truly love us.
We have learned that it’s okay to be treated poorly, to not have boundaries, and to feel hurt by other people’s behavior.
Others have taught us that it’s acceptable to accept abuse and dysfunction. We not only can tolerate it but have to come to view this is as normal.